Grace and Dignity

In my work, I hear so many people saying, “Getting old is for the birds.”

Aging is no easy feat as people live longer and face more health issues. Some get diseases and lose function over time whether it be cognitive or physical. To lose the ability to do things is devastating in a culture where we tend to focus on youth and independence.

We will hear on the news how Bruce Willis is suffering with dementia and Michael J. Fox has Parkinson’s disease. Yes, these conditions rob us of function but are we really wanting to define it as suffering? Do we want our lives to be ended in misery?

The more I see other families going through health issues, I have to ponder whether we as health professionals are using the right words when speaking with clients and families. I feel like we need to change the narrative to living with these conditions. Many people with chronic conditions can still live fulfilling lives so it is important that we focus on the “living” part of communication.

My Gramma Kamiya taught me a wonderful lesson as she lived with dementia in her latter years. She believed in the Okinawan term called Kajimaya, which meant a return to childhood. She recognized the need to change her ways as her function declined over the years.

Instead of fighting the change, she adapted. When her balance got worse, she willingly used a walker and even accepted a tub bench to bathe. She balked at first but once she was shown how to use it, she loved it. She lives pretty well until a very bad fall changed everything.

Despite the fall, she accepted getting care in Ann Pearl Nursing Facility and really blended in there. We thought she would want to return home after rehab but decided to stay because she realized she was safer there. Although it was hard for us to not have her be home, she thrived there.

Seeing her in a safe environment was a relief for our family. She had the care she needed and was loved by the staff there. Yes, she had dementia but I would not say she suffered. She lived with it and found moments of joy. To see her smile and laugh is heartwarming and I still can hear her laughing about how bad my dad was as a kid.

In my life, I hope that we really change our definitions and communication about aging in a more positive light to make that journey called life gentler and peaceful. Our journey should not be thought of as a war or battle to be fought with our end seen as a loss. The fact that our lives are filled with so many memories and friendships should be at the forefront of the journey.

Let’s making caregiving a journey to bring joy along the way and focus on meaning.